Reharmonized Doctor Whooves: My Little Time Lord

Pony POV Recursive Fanfiction
Optional Canon

Reharmonized Doctor Whooves: "My Little Time Lord"

Written by OracleMask


What?  You're – but the door – how'd you get in here?!  The door's locked and the shields are at maximum!  I  – what?  Oh.  Ohhh...it's you three again.  ...L – Let me switch off the mauve alert...there we go.  Still, ever heard of knocking?

You did?   And the door opened for you on its own?  Hmph...the old girl's getting sneaky.  At least she locked the door behind you...and I suppose as long as you're in here, you'd like to have another little chat.  Not that too much has happened since I last saw you... right before a certain SOMEONE decided to start twisting pony brains into pretzels...

That is what you want to talk about?  Not a single other subject comes to mind?

…Fine, I suppose I might as well.  Especially considering that I've nothing better to do.  I'm certainly not going anywhere: the old girl's refused to fly anywhere since that day, and I'm not going out that door.  I mean it!  It's not safe out there!  It's...I'm...

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Sounds like you're not taking what happened well.)

'I'm not taking what happened well' is putting it very mildly.  And I'm sure most of you ponies would feel I got off lightly.  After all, I wasn't turned into some mutant version of myself.  Neither was I poisoned, paralyzed, pickled, or perforated – I could have coped with those!  I've already gone through those!

Look, I never said I survived going through all those things.  Time Lord, remember?  More lives than a cat.

As I was saying...instead, Discord bypassed all those possibilities and went straight for the one thing that's always made me 'me' – no matter what happened, no matter what body I ended up in – and twisted it to the point of parody.  Once he was...done with me...all I wanted – no, all I needed was to seize control of the whole of Equestria and reorganize it to suit my preferences.  I'm fairly certain that if I'd somehow managed that, I'd have gone after the rest of the planet next.

...Have to admit that I've been wondering something: did Discord make sure I went about it in that completely ridiculous manner in order to neutralize me as a potential rival?

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Isn't that a bit arrogant?)

What?  You think it's egotistical of me to say so?  It's not like it isn't true: give me the TARDIS and five minutes from your perspective, and I could have been ruling the planet unquestionably since your grandparents were in their nappies.  If that sort of capability isn't a threat to anypony, then what is?  Of course I wouldn't do that normally...I also don't normally prance around wearing a dress.  Which, might I add now that you've brought it up, I will need to reimburse Miss Rarity for as I can no longer return it.  I – I couldn't stand looking at it, and...well...let's just say the TARDIS has a very good paper shredder.

...Once everypony had sanity and reason shoved back into their heads, I ran straight here and locked myself inside.  If I'd been in here when that madness had started, then I could have done something without risking my brain warped beyond recognition!  I don't understand why I ever leave the safety of the TARDIS in the first place...it never turns out well.

Well, no time like the present to rectify that little problem.

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): You mean you're not gonna go outside anymore?)

That's the idea!  Admittedly, I need something to pass the time in here, but luckily I've got just the project to work on.  It's taken me a lot of effort, but I've just about finished reviewing all of this planet's history up to this point.  Not to mention tracking the more important upcoming events...and planning a few events to take the place of some other upcoming events that you ponies can do without...  The best part is, I won't be caught off-guard like that again when and if any more nasty surprises like Discord pop out of the woodwork.  Oh, I feel good about this plan.  One of my better ones!

...Now what's that look supposed to be?

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Do you really intend to control the course of Equestrian history?)

Of course I do.  Even you have to admit that as a Time Lord, I am supremely qualified for the position!  Managing timelines...it's what Time Lords are supposed to do.  In a different universe, there would still be Time Lords doing exactly that if not for – for certain complications.  Doing this means I'm just doing my job...for once.  Besides, I get a safe and happy planet, and you ponies get a safe and happy future without any missteps along the way!  How could you possibly object?

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Uh...did anypony actually ask you to do this?)

No.  But they would've if they had any sense.  Something you ponies have a serious lack of, if you ask me...

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): And how is this different from taking over Equestria in a dress?)

What?!  It's – it's completely – don't be absurd!  You can't compare the two!  I was out of my mind with the dress.  Now my mind is completely clear and I can see so much to be done – you can't just say they're the same, because they're not!  They're not!

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): You're planning on controlling the future of these ponies whether they want you to or not.  That's kind of the definition of ruling.)

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): More like the definition of a dictatorship.)

Oh, so it's fine if I put the plan to a vote, is it?  'Hello ponies, if you'd like the all-knowing and extraordinarily powerful Time Lord to make it so you have long, happy lives without any effort on your parts, vote Doctor!'  Sound better that way?

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Just because you're a Time Lord doesn't mean you need to control things here.)

Well it's not as if I can trust the ponies here to handle things, now can I?!  You know what happened from letting the ponies run their own affairs?  Discord happened!  Not to mention the rest of it!

Don't look so shocked, I told you I reviewed the planet's history.  You can't just write over an unhole in the timeline and expect a Time Lord not to spot it!  Work on that scale always leaves leftovers!  Sometimes even unleftovers, like a certain pink pony I'm certain you're aware of.  I swear, the first time I saw her I was almost certain it was the pony version of Jack...

...Never mind.  The point is that this planet has been horribly mismanaged and I intend to make things better.

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Isn't there anypony else that could do that?)

No.

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): What about the princesses?)

A recovering maniac and a self-centered horse?  You expect me to trust them with my li – I mean, with everypony's lives?!

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): You're scared, aren't you.)

I – no!  Not a bit!  Not even a little!

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Then why don't you go outside and prove it?)

...That...that is...

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): It's okay to be scared, Doctor.  Everypony gets scared sometimes.)

Not if you're me.  I have to be better than that.  I'm...I'm the Time Lord here.  And just the thought of walking out that door right now...when I know better than any of those ponies of what's really lying in wait out there, just itching for me to lower my guard!  There's no one else to do the job...nopony at all...

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Doctor, is it really true that there's nopony else?)

Err...well, I suppose there's...one.  I don't know how he even made it to Equestria, but he lives in Canterlot right now and I...I suppose if I weren't able to do something, he would.  Just because he seems to like how things are around here already – and Rassilon knows how that happened, he's normally a total control freak.  He's never been above rearranging nations to suit himself before.

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Or controlling history so it plays out exactly like he wants?)

Or controlling – oi!  That's a cheap shot!

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): But it's good that he's here, isn't it?  Now can you travel without worrying, just like before!)

...Just like before?  Just like before?!  You mean when I stood by and watched as planets and peoples fell and burned and died, and did nothing?!  When I let others down because of some arbitrary law of time or even a whim?!

Oh no, wait a moment!  I didn't always do nothing, ha ha ha!  Sometimes I MADE THOSE THINGS HAPPEN!  Is that what you want from me?!  More blood on my hooves?!  More lives cast into the darkness?!  More races BURNING, all because of ME?!  Is that it?!  Is that what you want?!  IS IT?!

Well you can FORGET it!  The man who stands aside and lets others suffer is GONE!  I'll die ten thousand times over before I let a single hair on their heads be harmed!  And anyone who tries to stop me can die TEN MILLION TIMES MORE!

And you...and you...

...

...you're...crying?

...Oh...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean – !

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Gee, nice going there Doc.  C'mon, it's okay...)

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): -sniffling- )

I didn't mean it!  I really...I didn't...

...I can't do anything right, can I.  Even staying in here and never leaving, and I make this happen.  Go outside, and I get brainwashed or something else happens that makes somepony suffer, no matter what I do.  Nothing I do is right.  ...I...I don't know if I've ever managed to do things right...

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): That's not true!)

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Are you alright?)

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): I'm okay.  But Doctor, listen!  You DO do things right!  Lots of things!)

...At best, I've had happy accidents.

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): No, you really have.  You've saved plenty of ponies, and helped out when nopony else could or would before.  Are you going to say those were wrong choices?)

Of course they're not wrong!  I just...I'm not -

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Nopony is perfect, Doctor.  Not even you.)

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): And you don't have to carry the weight of the universe all by yourself!)

...Who else is there?

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): Uh, your friends?  Like that stallion in Canterlot?)

Him?  Uh...our relationship is actually very, very complicated and I'm not sure if he –  

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Your companions, then.)

...I've been a complete imbecile.  How could I have forgotten them?  My companions are always there for me...oftentimes whether I wanted them to be there or not...but...

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): No buts!  You go outside and see your companions right now, Mister!)

But – but I can't let them see me like this!  I'm a mess, a wreck, a weak-minded old fool.  And you ponies...you've got the resilience and strength of youth on your side...you all do.  I'm sure Derpy and – and everypony out there has been doing just fine without this useless old Doctor slowing them down.

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): You really ARE stupid if that's what you think.)

...

I hear a banging sound: is somepony knocking on the door?  

...

...Not the...pithiest words of wisdom I've ever heard, but...  'One of us'.  I do like the sound of that.

But then...if everypony does feel the same way about what happened...oh, I'm being a very selfish little Time Lord.  Hiding in here and refusing help from them also means refusing to help any of them.  And thinking it's better for them if I stay away?  Shame on you, Doctor!  That's going about it all backwards!  That's not what my name means at all!

(Interviewer's Notes (Earth Pony): Your name?)

...It's actually a strange coincidence between universes.  Just like ponies choose a new name when they get their cutie marks, Time Lords pick a name for themselves when they graduate the Academy.  I've always wanted to improve things I've seen as wrong with the universe, so I chose 'Doctor'.  It means 'the one who makes others better'.  I...sort of wanted to uplift other species at the time.  Didn't really occur to me to be hands-on – err, hooves-on – about it until I was a few centuries older.

Now then, time to brave the front door!  ...Although if you three wouldn't mind...

(Interviewer's Notes (Pegasus): No problem.  And one, and a two, and a three!)

WaitnostoppushingIwasn'tready - !!!

...Outside.  I'm...outside.

And...there's nothing...immediately...going horribly wrong.  Okay.  Okay, I can work with this.  Just as soon as...my legs stop shaking and the ground stops spinning.  Ah-ha ha, I'm hyperventilating, that's a new one.

(Interviewer's Notes (Unicorn): Do you need a paper bag?)

No need!  I've got a respiratory bypass, I'll be fine.  Right, Doctor, your companions are out there!  ...Somewhere!  You just have to take one step away from the TARDIS.  One little step.  Barely even move.  She'll still be here after you move those hooves!

And...

...STEP!

...Well then!  That's the hard part done.  I'm light-headed, terrified out of my considerable wits, and my hearts are pumping away like mad things...but surprisingly, I feel free.